this is life before you know who you're going to be.

forandring @ 2009-12-08T13:27:00

2009-12-08T05:28:46Z

Today, I was walking home in the hot hot sun. The light, by extension, was strongly present. And it felt like a big big sheet of Light. And then I realised that we don't exactly see Light. We just see the things that are illuminated by it, or the shadows that are created by objects in Light's way. But we know there is light, because our eyes tell us so somehow.

I then thought about Air, because like Light, we don't see Air per se, but we know that it is there.

And then I thought about how humans like to break things down, into things that they can see. When we "see" air with our natural eyes, we see nothing. But we are taught that air is made up of 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, and the other gases. And if I were to imagine, I imagine circular molecular shapes floating around in the air.

Same with light, Einstein came up with the proposition that light is made up of particles and waves. Again, it sort of gives us a visual picture, breaking down the light into units that we can imagine, when all we really see is one big "sheet" of light.

It's like humans just want to break things down into what they can see and visualise, and that such knowledge of how the world works gives us some kind of empowerment. That we can replicate it, and in a way "play God". But no matter what man can make, the original is always there, that which the Creator made.

forandring @ 2009-12-03T03:14:00

2009-12-02T19:15:57Z

Currently watching August Rush. Finished watching (500) Days of Summer earlier today. awesome show man.

if i could, i would combine elements from both movies and make it into a film. i think it will be awesomely tragic.

a young orphaned boy goes through his life thinking that his parents were forced to leave him behind, and that they will come looking for him one day.

then we do a juxtaposition of his miserable life and his search for his parents, with the process of his parents meeting and falling in love, and the 9 months before the baby is born.

and how they wanted to keep the kid. how things were awesome at the start. then there was conflict. and then they made it up but things weren't the same. and in the end they didn't want the kid anymore and put him in the orphanage.

and how the kid goes on dreaming and believing and hoping that his parents really did want him.

forandring @ 2009-11-24T03:15:00

2009-11-23T19:16:52Z

Knowing that I probably have to cram more than half the syllabus for Communication History tomorrow does not really make me work faster.

Perhaps the fear appeal is too extreme. Studies by Carl Hovland have shown that a moderate fear appeal is the most effective. High fear appeals are not effective because then, the person cannot do anything to fully mitigate the fear. The person will then engage in activities to ignore or minimise the threat.

Is that why I am still playing games while simultaneously trying to focus on studying? Does that mean that my subconscious knows that i have no hope? I refuse to believe that is so.

Perhaps it has to do with Freud's pleasure principle versus reality principle. In essence, the pleasure principle is what's motivating me to play, while the reality principle is what's motivating me to study.

It is currently a free for all between the two principles.

NB to parents: dun worry la i am studying okay.

forandring @ 2009-11-19T02:03:00

2009-11-18T18:04:23Z

People say that the Singapore press system is controlled by the government and resembles that of the communist model.

In the 1970s, newspapers like the Eastern Sun and Nanyang Siang Pau were shut down by the government. Assuming the first statement to be true, it would be ironic, because those papers were accused of having communist links.

i actually went to research on "if i were" vs "if i was" for this.

2009-11-16T10:05:17Z

If I were a genius scientist, I would focus on inventing an awesome screen for computers, TVs and the like, that will prevent them from spoiling people's eyes.

Scientists should focus on that instead of making things more high definition than they already are.

I wish I were like Claude E. Shannon who could make great contributions to both the field of science and communication.

After which, nothing I ever do can match up and I will burn out and spend the rest of my life in comfort and in a pile of money because of the algorithm I designed which helped me analyse my stock options.

forandring @ 2009-11-16T15:14:00

2009-11-16T07:15:09Z

haha! all anti-gays beware. from the Ev Rogers textbook, about cryptography in the WWII:

The German system utilised encoding machines to scramble military messages, which the Germans transmitted by radio to their submarines, ships, and other distant forces. The encrypted messages were then decoded at the receiving end. Alan Turing, the brilliant Cambridge University mathematician working at the Government Code and Cipher School at Bletchey Park (outside London), designed an Ultra machine that deciphered Enigma, the German military code. Turing's success was one of the most important turning points in World War II, aiding the British in protecting their Atlantic convoys from German submarines, helping the British know in advance about the actions of Field Marshal Erwin Rommel's Afrika Korps, and aiding greatly in the Normandy invasion.

and the footnote reads:
If the British government had known that Turing was gay, he would not have been allowed to work in cryptography research at Bletchley Park, and Britain might have lost the war.

disclaimer: i am not for the notion of being gay, but if people are gay then.......... it's a grey area but ultimately, they should still be treated the same (:

forandring @ 2009-11-13T04:59:00

2009-11-12T20:59:55Z

It's funny how the introduction of social networking sites have made their mark on the English language. New rules are created and without us really realising, we have been using them.

Take Facebook for example.

Person X: What are you doing?
Person Y: I'm Facebook-ing. (thing)

Facebook is a social networking site. It is a thing.
A book is also a thing. And people read books.

But you don't see:
Person X: What are you doing?
Person Y: I'm book-ing. (thing)

Instead, you see:
Person X: What are you doing?
Person Y: I'm reading. (activity)

It seems that "Facebook" is a thing, and "Facebook-ing" is an activity.
But the same doesn't apply for books. Nor does it apply for cooking.

I hope I have managed to convince you with my extremely narrow scope of examples.

forandring @ 2009-11-12T01:28:00

2009-11-11T19:25:28Z

With regards to the previous post, it probably is pompous to think that the public would want to read articles on what I believe in anyway.

On to something new:

Wikipedia:
"Many institutes confer three levels of Latin honours, although some eschew the third, namely:
- cum laude, "with honor" (direct translation: "with praise")
- magna cum laude, "with great honor" (direct translation: "with great praise")
- summa cum laude, "with highest honor" (direct translation: "with highest praise")"

I guess for an undergraduate, academic excellence is one of the few areas we can get recognition in. The point is, there is a hierarchy of sorts when it comes to the academe today.

The Renaissance (around the 15th century) and the Enlightenment (18th century) were both periods of time when there was a great proliferation of knowledge in science, philosophy and all sorts of other stuff.

Universities did exist then, though the "cum laude" system was only introduced in the US in the 19th century. I don't know about the other European universities though. Whatever the case, I'm sure there wasn't as much emphasis on being at the top of the academic hierarchy then, as there is now.

Makes me wonder if we're all better off abolishing such a system.

Then we can all be "equal" and take up farming to support ourselves because we won't be big enough shots to have people work for us. We can be like the peasants under the communist system.

Yeah right.

forandring @ 2009-11-08T05:20:00

2009-11-07T21:42:47Z

the world is a scary place.
but we must be brave.

everyone has a story to tell.
behind every tragedy, there are the families left hanging.

sometimes i wonder if journalism is really a way for me to express what i want to say about society. okay putting it in that way definitely sounds wrong.

let me attempt to explain.

journalism gives a voice to the voiceless. the individual stories are given a space in the newspaper for them to be read by the larger part of society. the individual story now becomes common knowledge.

i used to think that as a journalist, i get to write about individual stories, to bring out what is impactful about them for the public to read.

but what i find impactful may not be what makes news. i may want to write about the massive loss of lives and the stories behind them, but the news may be the earthquake.

i guess it is a job after all. sometimes we get to write about what we believe in, sometimes we have to write about things we're not really concerned about.

we learn that we have to be objective. that our perceptions should not influence how we write our story.

i sense a tension here. how do we write about what we believe in while being objective? (of course, what it means to be objective is an enigma and i shall not go into it)

i guess it can be reconciled. but i have not thought about that yet. back to the readings by Grunig.

on giraffes

2009-08-15T07:30:30Z

Evolutionary theorist, Jean-Baptise de Monet de Lamarck, proposed that over a long period of time, the giraffe acquired a long neck from constant stretching. This longer neck was passed on to the following generations, thus, parent's modification in anatomical structure could be inherited by its offspring. (Lamarck's theory was later disproved by advances in genetic research, but it still was the most popular evolutionary theory before Darwin's)

Charles Darwin offered an alternative theory: individuals who are better suited to their environment have a higher rate of survival and hence they are the ones that reproduce more and this is how a species gradually "evolves". Giraffes who had a longer neck could eat tree leaves that are higher and hence are more likely to survive as opposed to shorter necked giraffes, who eventually died out.

I went to read up, and found that giraffes are herbivores and eat leaves (duh). The only advantage of having longer necks is that they get the better leaves and twigs. So i am quite sure that giraffes who had shorter necks would still be able to survive. There probably is more competition with other animals who can't reach higher leaves, but still i don't think it'd be enough to wipe out all the giraffes with short necks.

I am more inclined to a creationist view, where God, as the creative maker created giraffes with long necks, just because He can and He felt like it.

paraphrased some parts from A History of Communication Study: A Biographical Approach by Everett M. Rogers (1994)

forandring @ 2009-06-16T19:59:00

2009-06-16T21:04:48Z

today i was reading the book Reaching For The Invisible God by Philip Yancy which Samuel gave to me. i always wondered why he gave that book out of all the other books he could have chosen.

anyway, Yancey was trying to reconcile the skeptic to the idea of Christianity. and after poking it in various angles, the last point was that in order for a skeptic to accept Christianity, he would need a change of heart. but in my opinion, a skeptic is unlikely to change his/her mind, and neither is a Christian likely to change his/her mind.

but ultimately, one has to be the truth and the other not. and i believe that in order to find the truth, you have to be open and exposed to both views in order to be able to discern. if you are open to the truth and not having a preconceived notion in your mind, then would you not find the truth?

a skeptic is likely to be closed to Christianity and hence will only experience one view.

a Christian, will experience the Christian perspective that's for sure. but whether we like it or not, we will at one point or another find ourselves spiritually dry, and far from God, questioning God. and for myself these days i know that i have been even thinking of how much easier it would be to slide away from it all, to be an atheist. instead of struggling so much to be a Christian. some days i live as if i were an atheist.

but at the end of everything, i still find myself running back to God. and that is true for other Christians.

after having a go at both views, i have discerned for myself what i hold to be true.

and anyway after talking to Tim, he reminded me of something. that it is not man who changes the heart of others, but God.

forandring @ 2009-05-08T15:13:00

2009-05-08T07:56:19Z

i wonder why Christians have no problem with watching Narnia, but some have problems with Harry Potter, Animorphs and the rest. i was watching Prince Caspian and the centaur said something about looking out for signs from the stars. i guess its the underlying source. since CS Lewis is some Christian pow wow and Narnia is said to have Christian themes. upon further reading, though Narnia did have a large Christian following, there are other Christians who criticise the series for incorporating pagan imagery.

i also wonder why people have no trouble accepting the concept of physical death as true, but cannot reconcile the concept of (the Christian perspective) of eternal death. i guess its because many people live according to the "seeing is believing" motto.

i also wonder why i am in leadership positions. and what it means to be in a leadership position. i believe that everyone is a leader. but then wont the name "leader" be meaningless? but not everyone can lead.

and now i realised that i am sleepy and lazy and all i want to do is rot at home. goodbye

forandring @ 2009-04-14T21:05:00

2009-04-14T13:09:31Z

hur hur. i think its funny when i answer the phone, "hello?" and then some cheena rattles on in mandarin, presumably asking me to do a survey? i wouldn't know because they talk too fast. and then i say "i don't understand" and anticipate their hanging up on me. and after a few seconds of stunned silence from their side, they either rudely hang up, or apologise in mandarin, saying its the wrong number or whatever crap. haw haw.

morale of the story: do not answer the phone in mandarin.

forandring @ 2009-04-13T20:03:00

2009-04-13T12:07:48Z

Haha. i quote from Mr. Wong Kan Seng when he was still Singapore's Foreign Minister.

"Former Minister Rajaratnam recalled that in 1965 after separation from Malaysia, Prime Minister (PM) Lee Kuan Yew called him and told him that Singapore now needed a Foreign Minister and that he had been chosen. As the new Foreign Minister, he was going to be interviewed by the press in a few days' time so he asked then PM Lee what Singapore's foreign policy should be. The Prime Minister replied, 'Raja, you had better wear a tie and a lounge suit. That's most important. Then after that, you just say what comes to the top of your head.' I am grateful that I was spared such a traumatic start."

hur. and Jason Mraz's - Please Don't Tell Her - is super emo. i loike sia.

...
There's no love for me no more

Say it isn't so
How she easily come, and she easy go
Please don't tell her that I've been meaning to miss her
Because I don't

So why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
I told you I don't but
I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure
The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
That's easier said
Easier than done
Please don't dare tell her what I've become
Please don't mention all the attention I have drawn
Please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when I'm gone

Because I'm crazy like the rest of us
But I'm crazier when I'm next to her
And it's amazing how she's so self-assured
But I know she'd hate me if she knew my words
Do I hurt anymore
Do I hurt, well
I don't
I don't
I don't

forandring @ 2009-04-10T18:27:00

2009-04-10T10:36:46Z

[mug rant]

i realised that i had been reading the ideals of Singapore's first Foreign Minister for the past few hours. yaya i took a few hours to cover a few pages -_-

i wondered if anyone ever criticised him. in my mind i doubted so, but i did a search on LexisNexis Academic and google and found .... NOTHING. the closest i got was "... resulted in his most serious critics walking away pondering over the views he offered." (Chong, 2006)

maybe my skills as a COM202 (information literacy) suck. but anyway.

i wondered why i was looking for a negative take on S. Rajaratnam. and then i figured its probably because in school we are taught to have a balanced point of view, to consider the good points and the bad points. and after reading about his ideals, i find myself starved of the bad points.

herein possibly lies the reason why Lee Kuan Yew had said "They (the young generation) say, oh, let's have multi-party politics. Let's have different parties change and be in charge of the government."

because we have never had a taste of what it would be like to have a multi-party government. we find our bum bums itchy for the grass on the other side.

forandring @ 2009-04-10T17:01:00

2009-04-10T09:07:15Z

i had in mind to do a post on the Nobel Peace Prize Concert 2008 and on a quote by our first Foreign Minister but i shall settle for this:

does anyone have dreams about music? like the tune is the most distinct part of the dream. but when you wake up you can't remember what song it is, or if its something your mind came up with.

or does anyone zone out with their eyes wide open? and then when you come back to reality you realise you don't know what you were looking at in the first place.

forandring @ 2009-04-06T22:42:00

2009-04-06T14:55:25Z

currently in Alpha Delta Mango studying. in a lecture theatre! woo hoo got the whole place to ourselves (ie. the study gang). i love doing illegal things that are not exactly illegal.

yesterday i went to the new FilmGarde cinema opposite Bugis Junction. since its new, other companies sent in flowers of congratulations. then the flowers were lined up on display. i saw an auntie picking out flowers from there and then walking away with the flowers poking out of her bag. HAHA

by the way, those flowers have a name right? not wreath. not stand. what's the name! can't place my finger on it.

despite.

2009-04-02T19:33:55Z

it's good having a place where i can safely say "now is a point in my life where i'm not on a spiritual high", and know that i am not judged by the people present. and even have others who say that they are not on a spiritual high as well. and its encouraging to see them still living the Christian life out loud.

sometimes i have felt that after so many years of being a Christian, i know how to act. i know how to walk the walk and talk the talk. i know all the right things i should say, and i know all the right thoughts i should have as a Christian. and i couldn't help but feel fake sometimes, when i don't feel oh so holy on the inside.

but i think i've come to realise that its not that we're faking. rather, in spite of all the circumstances pulling us down, we can not help but continue to proclaim that God is God, and live the true Christian life. in spite of feeling spiritually empty inside, we know for sure that God is God.

i thank God for cell group in NTU. even though many times i do not feel like going because of the mountains of other things that need to be done, i never fail to come away feeling refreshed and encouraged by the lives of my fellow CF-ers. people who know exactly what i am going through and who are living so fervently for their God.

Hui Xian feels loved by the people of God.

forandring @ 2009-04-01T22:54:00

2009-04-01T14:55:08Z

[i think LJ cannot support the code so the link to the video is here: http://diy.stomp.com.sg/video_details.php?id=542?id=542]

kewl. the song is 'Come Back To Me' by PeepShow. Singapore Indie stuffzxzxzx

forandring @ 2009-03-30T23:58:00

2009-03-30T16:00:46Z

i dont mean to sound like an opportunist of any sort, and i dont mean to revel in things like death.

but can you imagine if NTU pulled a Hogwarts? like when the dark wizards were set loose and then parents started calling their kids back from school because it was dangerous to be in school. if only the same thing could happen for NTU. CHILDREN RECALL. yeah baby.

its been a long time since i heard a song that made me breathless. but "With Everything" did it man.

forandring @ 2009-03-29T00:09:00

2009-03-28T16:17:01Z

Hui Xian quotes from Searle, 1979:
In Searle (1969: chapter 3) I suggested that many such utterances could be explained by the fact that the sentences in question concern conditions of the felicitous performance of the speech acts they are used to perform indirectly - preparatory conditions, propositional content conditions, and sincerity conditions - and that their use to perform indirect speech acts consists in indicating the satisfaction of an essential condition by means of asserting or questioning one of the other conditions.

whatever mans. it took me 15min to understand what EXACTLY he is talking about.

im not vulgar im just hooked

2009-03-25T01:19:26Z

Today, I dragged myself out of bed to go for 202 lecture. More than half the class didn't bother showing up. I should be in that other half. FML.

forandring @ 2009-03-24T01:58:00

2009-03-23T18:10:06Z

the thing about understanding just a teensy smidgeon of Cantonese and being a Chinese. being a Chinese means i look like a Chinese.

the manager at the restaurant says "oh you don't eat seafood" to me, in response to what my daddy said to him. so i shook my head. and then he said some other stuff which i more or less understood so i could nod or whatever.

then later on he asks me something FREAKING CHIM in Canto and im like ?!!??!?!?!?!?!??!? and i also dunno how to say I DUNNO WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

so i just give him the o_O??!?!?!?! face. and he looked rather taken aback. like dunno how to react.

and then later on when he says more stuff i can respond again hahaha.

whatever.

after doing my linguistics readings, the more and more i see myself as being able to relate more to the Anglo-Saxon culture than that of my own. and its not exactly a conscious effort? lots of it is from how i look at things through the years.

kantang in distress. HAHA

forandring @ 2009-03-16T20:48:00

2009-03-16T12:55:48Z

so i was thinking of what songs to choose cause i was leading worship with Jilun for NTU CF FOC 2009 meeting right. then during saturday's connect@5 service, pastor Charles was giving the closing prayer. and to be honest, my mind was kinda drifting off. but then pastor Charles said "blah blah blah great is Thy faithfulness". and my mind went CLICK. like i just knew it was something i should pay attention to. so okays "Great is Thy Faithfulness" was chosen as a song for worship.

and then just so happens that Jilun sang that song at his own church service on sunday. which is kewl. like affirmation.

and then today was the meeting. so i tried to think of a possible theme. and the word "anchor" was like stuck in my head. i tried to look for other possibilities but i kept thinking of "anchor" anyway. and from there branched out to other things like "float" and "sailing through". so when we were discussing possible themes for the camp, we decided on the theme Fellow-SHIP.

kewl. okay. anyways heard this on saturday. though it was rather kewl.
"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

alright. the end.

forandring @ 2009-03-15T02:42:00

2009-03-14T19:30:40Z

even though seeing PDA on public trains make me go o_O

i must admit that there are plus points when its a crowded day. having two people whose bodies are stuck together definitely make for more efficient use of space. :D